the City and my Soul disagree

I can't say now, where I'm gonna go
But when I figure it out, you'll be the first to know
Do you understand that it's out of these hands of mine?
Despite our plans, I've got to draw the line

Stroke 9 - California

Wow these words describe my life right now.. it's like what I'm always saying to my parents.
I spent most of the day sorting the many hundreds of coins that have been sitting on the desk here into bags.. I can't stand messes anymore. I have seriously developed an OCD. I find myself dropping anything I'm doing to straighten things, put things back where they should be or just sorting them, like these coins. It started that I was just going to move the laptop a bit, and then I saw them and blacked out for 30 mins and the next thing I knew was they were all nice and neatly put into separate bags and the table was clean.

How boring does a life have to be that things like this become a habit? I spent 30 mins sorting coins without even thinking about it.. I could have spent those 30 minutes doing something constructive.. helping somebody, volunteering, walking around outside, gardening.. I feel like I'm trapped. I can't do things that I want to.. that would help the rest of the world or my family or whatever, because well.. I just can't. I don't have money, I'm not in school right now, and I'm not allowed to work in this country. And I do really want to work.. but I can't do the jobs I want without a degree, which is still going to take a year or two to complete. It REALLY sucks. These feel like wasted years of my life, which is incredibly depressing. I also don't want to start to believe that I need to be in school or working to have a fulfilling life.. I mean, I enjoy just relaxing and being safe at home, doing things I like to like reading and stuff, but it bothers me a lot that at the end of the day, those things aren't going to make the world a better place or help my reputation much.
Then I start to worry that I think about these things too much for my own good, and no one should worry about everything because that's what causes stress and heart attacks.. and see, it's a downward spiral. The best thing, I guess, is to just live a life of moderation, where you do good and help those around you that need to be helped, but not overdoing it.. because if you help too many people, somehow that's going to be hurting someone else.

My worst fear is not knowing things that should be known, or that would be a great addition to my knowledge bank, but that I just never came across learning.