If I go to my class today, I'll have gone 2 whole weeks without missing a class.
So I talked to my prof and he suggested I change my project topic, which I did gladly. And apparently we are allowed to use public housing outside of the city, so I don't have to go into gangland to do my work, yay! That takes a LOT of stress off my shoulders.
I slept better last night. It got so warm in my room I finally just put a book over my vent and turned the fan right onto myself which I never usually do. It's much easier to sleep if you're slightly cold than if you're sweating balls all night.
Ok, I guess I should go to class. Meh..

Fourth night in a row I haven't slept well. I keep having nightmares. Not the ones I'm used to either.. when I get stressed I always have those horrible somebody's-chasing-me dreams, but lately I just keep waking myself up because in my dreams.. it's as though I know something really really scary or horrible is about to happen in them and I don't want to dream it. How weird is that? I hate having scary dreams so when I wake up I try to brush off the feeling and think of something nicer, but then when I fall back asleep the same thing happens only a minute later. I don't know when I'm ever going to sleep normally again. Maybe this is because I've been eating dinner so late at night. I'll try to eat earlier and go to bed on an empty stomach like I usually do.. I sleep like a baby when that happens but my schedule lately is just so weird that it's hard to keep up with it.

I feel a lot less stressed about my convergence class.. apparently we don't have to focus on public housing within the city, and there's tons of assisted living places in Dupage county, so I can stay closer to home instead of going into the ghettos, yay!

Off to record something interesting for my broadcast class.. blech.

My head is spinning. I don't know how to handle this part of my life. I've never actually come so close to completing anything this important. What's my next step? Where do I want to go next? What will I do for money? There's so much up in the air. I just hope it works out. Therefore, despite my infinite worrying, I will try not to worry.

My heart is not in my Convergence Newsroom class.. AT.. ALL. Yet another class whining and complaining about homeless people, and actually making us go out and trying to solve the problem? Are they just playing a terrible joke on us? We're spending thousands of dollars on this class, and they can't even come up with something productive or POSSIBLE for us to accomplish.

THERE WILL ALWAYS BE HOMELESS PEOPLE. There will always be poor people because there will always be rich, greedy people. You can't have one without the other. I am so hateful towards this class but I need to take it and just get it over with. I just feel so angry that I have to go out into these horrible, filthy, dangerous parts of the city and talk to people. People get murdered raped and attacked there every day.. I don't want to put my life on the line for a problem that will never ever be solved. This is absolute bs. I'm so tired of my school shoving all this 'social justice' crap down our throats.

I wonder about all the people who were alive in the past. I might have been great friends with some of them. Some lovers. Some enemies. Some I might have had sleepovers with when we were little girls, and which ones would have crushes on me and vice versa. People are always the same.. it's just the state of the world that changes.

I miss them all. It's so sad to just be gone forever.

sooooo much homeworkkkkkkk

Soooo.. I've been tracking my PS2 in transit. It started off in Kansas.. then I checked again tonight and it's in.... Rhode Island? Um.. Kansas is one state over and it got shipped all the way to the other side of the US first? Confused. But whatever. As long as it gets here in one piece and isn't broken at all. Well if that's the case then I'll just get my money back but whatever.

Today was a nice day at school etc. I just hope I can get a good amount of sleep tonight.

Reading Arabian Nights is making my life so much more invigorating.. can't explain it. It's just such an amazing series of stories.

Alight.. off to bed.

I have another wishlist item:
http://omgposters.com/2010/02/12/ornate-pattern-art-print-set-by-shepard-fairey-onsale-info/

So gorgeous. They will probably sell out before I could buy them but meh. They'll make a good desktop wallpaper.

I'm so tired of my parents staying home from work. I just want to be AWAY from them. They drive me absolutely insane. Even my dad, who doesn't do anything to me directly, but, for instance, leaves his phone alarm clock on even when he stays home from work, which I can hear from all the way across the house but he sleeps blissfully cuz he has hearplugs in. So I end up having to get up at 5 am anyway to go downstairs and turn the alarm off. When all I've been wanting for days is a full nights sleep. I need my own place man..

I want my ISIS poster.

I bought a PS2 and am waiting for it to be delivered. I also bought 5 games for it that are supposed to be great. Well actually I already played one of them and another is a sequel to a game that I absolutely love so I'm sure it will be fun. I can't wait to play Xenosaga.. the storyline sounds so amazing and it's really open-ended or something so I really just can't wait to play it.
Games on my wishlist:
the .Hack series

I guess that's about it for now actually. I've got a LOT of gaming to do in the meantime. Unfortunately the system won't be shipped till.. oh, Monday? LAME. I haven't been able to play games in so long because my computer doesn't run any new ones, and I played all the ones I already have so much and for so long I basically have them memorized word for word, scene for scene. So this will be a good change. Also it will take up a lot of spare time I'm plagued with.

I'm still sick but it's less crappy. I still feel really weak and drained. I have no idea what kind of sickness this is either. Usually I'm just bursting with energy but it's almost impossible to even stand for more than a few minutes without feeling light-headed and like I'm going to faint. It's really really lamesauce.

Well I'm going to go read some crap.. I probably had some homework. Meh.

Something in me really wants to become a carpenter. Building things out of wood has always been fun and gives me a sense of accomplishment. It's becoming a lost skill.. most jobs these days just want people to sit in front of a computer, dulling us down mentally and physically. I've always wanted to learn a real vocational skill.
Maybe I'll take a class and learn how to build chairs and cabinets. It might even be fun to help build a house. That's how people lived and worked and survived for millenia before capitalism took over and people started wanting brain-dead drones to sit at a desk for 8 hours a day. Society is losing its ability to build its own things, fix its own utilities and provide its own furnishings.

Yes. I will look into this. I'd probably have an easier time finding a job hammering stuff together than anything in the Journalism field anyway.

Uggggg why do I feel so HORRIBLE??? I'm trying to rest, eat lots of grapefruit and soup and do all the mythical get-better-quick schemes and none of it's working. I have absolutely no physical strength, I'm full of body aches and my head is constantly swimming. When I have to drive anywhere I feel like turning the wheel takes every ounce of strength in me. And on top of it I missed my long day at school, which REALLY bothers me because I shouldn't be missing any.

I just want to sleep all weekend. I think I'll do that. That sounds nice. Good night world.

Sick, getting sicker, and very very tired. If I don't eat I feel nauseous, if I eat I feel nauseous, if I sleep I wake up and when I'm awake all I want to do is sleep. Misery has found me.

I feel so... passionate lately.
About my beliefs, in class, in making myself better. But I feel like Lars is getting further and further away. I barely talked to him in the past two weeks.. He's always got something else to do. I feel angry at him and sad at the same time. But I really love school and my life in general right now. That's how I know I don't need a man to make me happy. I have myself, and other people may come and go but I'll always know who I am.

I have no idea what the future will bring, but I want to be in it.

If anybody ends up hurting me, I won't be too upset because I will know they weren't meant to be in my life. The good ones stay.