Well, here I am, alone.  Lars has gone home to Sweden until Sunday.  Blah.  No idea what I'm going to do with myself for the next 3.5 days.  Actually I have lots of ideas but I have such issues with being alone.. I start getting really depressed and sometimes even suicidal.  I didn't use to be that way.  When I was younger I could go days without talking to anyone and I felt so at peace and relaxed, but as I've grown up more I've become more emotionally attached to people.  I guess that has to do with finally admitting to myself a few years ago that I need exposure to other people and friends and whatnot.  Of course it's really complicated and I've written about it a hundred times over in my real journals but I guess that's just how life works.  I'm glad I've thought about my own internal battles so logically in the past.. it really helps a person get over something traumatic if they know how to look at it.
At least while Lars is away I know he's with his friends and family and will be having a really good time.  I sometimes wonder if he doesn't see enough of them.. he only goes home about twice per year.  Also I can stay here and walk around in the evening and eat healthy food like I want to haha..  I have to eat so much junk that I don't want to when he's around because he doesn't like vegetables very much.  Actually the past 3 days I cooked 3 really delicious, healthy dinners.  Well yesterday he wanted tacos so I tweaked them a bit so they were healthier.  It feels good to be able to feed somebody you love and know you did it the right way.
So yeah.. I guess for now, I'm gonna.. uh.. clean?  Replay Mass Effect 2 with my imported character?  I can do anything I want actually =/  Weirdddd.